Good Grief

The past is behind us; and we wisely pause to remember and learn from it. Eternity is ahead of us; and we choose to prepare for the destiny of being in the Presence of God forever. The present is here; and we choose to live it fully, or we perish without a dream or vision of glory! April 20, 2021 marks the 5 year anniversary of my son’s entrance into eternity. The normal roller coaster of emotions stopped when I chose to get on His Peace train. There is a time for grief, and good reason to pause for memories. It is my6232040_o healthy choice to rejoice in all the Lord has done! I choose to praise God in all things because His ways and timing is perfect. Our Lord keeps our tears in a jar as He grieves with us. To mourn Jason’s shortened days, is to remember his life, and honor him. Remembering our loved ones is a holy, healthy thing to do. “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy” Psalm 126:5 —  I am assured that my son is forever in the holy presence of Jesus, the Creator of all things, the One who opened His mouth and spoke the universe into being. The pain of never hugging my son on this earth, ever again…returns unexpectedly,  even years after his shocking sudden death.  Extreme emotions yet emerge when I hear the lyrics of songs that we sang together. On this 5th anniversary of Jay’s reunion with our Father, it is in Jason’s honor that I lodge some great memories. Music was always a part of our jointly shared joys in this life.  Jason loved to groove to Motown tunes and he displayed his soul on the dance floor.  He made me laugh until I snarkled!  We took many country drives together, windows down with our 6232403_oplaylists loudly blasting.  Each year Jason made a point of being in contact, and on many Mother’s day and Father’s day adventures, we took long road trips together to camp, attend a circus, to enjoy a BBQ on the coast, or just go out to Pirates’ Lair off HWY 12.  I can hear Jason say to me “no worries Momma, it’s all good!” Father’s day 2013 was the best Jason ever had.  We rented a cabin at Tower Park in Lodi on the river and Jason was the Captain of the boat that day!  His dog Bella was our mascot and his aunt Sue and cousin David joined us for that glorious weekend. Jason underlined this scripture in his Bible which I treasure. “My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.” Psalm 28:7 – God asked “To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.” Isaiah 40:25   “He brought His people out with JOY, His chosen ones with singing.” Psalm 105:43 ESV – Jesus loved to worship at his church “Lifesong” in Stockton, California! When Jason was thirteen I took him to his first concert. It was to hear Kenny Loggins at the AG Spanos Center and the most recent was an outdoor performance, in the rain, with Katie and Diana in the Bay area.  Another

vivid memory includes busting a gut laughing while Snipe fishing at Lake Alpine shortly before Jay’s dad died.  My son never lost his child-like wonder or the absolute joy of welcoming a new job, or a new friend into his life’s shortened experience.  At Jay’s Jason 1979memorial,  several of his friends stood up to share memories. At the luncheon afterwards one tall man came to tell me that Jason was the glue, the guy who brought two rivalry schools together.  Tom Simmons shared that in the last few months of his life, Jason’s thirst for the Word of God grew.  He shared Jason’s joy in reading the psalms each morning.   As his mother  I am comforted in knowing — with full assurance that Jason accepted “God’s way is right for me.”  There was a lifelong spiritual battle going on for Jason’s soul and I Praise God that in the end, our Lord got the victory and won! “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful ones.” Psalm 116:15 – No matter how short or long of a time it takes, grief is important to share.  Raw and unfiltered feelings need to come out. If I pushed my feelings down, they would suffocate my soul and I would be subject to lengthy bouts of depression. Without my faith in Jesus I would be inconsolable.  I believe Jason 2011 on the Deltamy Lord gave me strength to write about grief, and He reminded me that it is holy to remember. Ecclesiastes describes all kinds of seasons and there is a time for tears, and a time for laughter.  “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  Proverbs 16:9 – Jason was at peace in his sweet soul before Jesus escorted him home.  “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Philippians 3:20  Jason Corey Newell,  Yo Momma, Barbara Sue loves you and today I am loving the memories of our last date in Stockton for mother’s day August 2015 – It was 108 degrees, we had no air conditioning and you wore that wet rag around your neck, smiling, never complaining! You picked me up from the airport in Sacramento, we stayed at the Best Western in Galt and then we took a drive along the river and had lunch at Al Da Waps in the old town of Locke. You wanted to take me to Micke Grove Zoo, and it was so hot that even the animals hid in the shade and we laughed!  It was like God impressed upon you to make more memories with yo Momma. More Scriptures underlined by Jason in his bible: “Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God.”  I praise God for every heart that attended his homecoming service at Horizon church in Stockton. Jason saw his daughter Marissa and his huge collection of friends and family remembering him well. Revelation opens the scriptures. Heb 12:1 “I am surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses'” 


Mothers day 2014

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  “You will be hated by everyone because of Me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.” Be not distracted or dismayed, just enjoy  Rebounding


Tower Park June 2013


August 15, 2015 Jason and I spent our last day together in Acampo, CA. We planned to be together in May 2016 for Mother’s day, but Jesus interrupted our plans with His better plan.  Jesus took Jason home on April 20, 2016. Many miss the way Jason lit up a room, and I personally miss the way we used to just laugh until we snorted. I was blessed by God the day you were born, and I was assured when you entered glory that I would be seeing you happier than ever! I love you! Yo momma!  

The below “Every Praise” song reminds me so much of Jason. When in church at LifeSong Jason busted the same hallelujah moves! My joy continues as I know that one day we will be reunited in heaven.

Dr. Bennet Omalu, a Nigerian-born American citizen, a mild-mannered, gentle man of faith was the Coroner in Stockton, California who conducted the autopsy on my son Jason Newell.

Worship the Lord with all your heart and leave no room for the Liar to deceive you.

As we all journey with God, the only thing He intends to be clear about repeatedly is the way He deals with our soul. The sorrows and difficulties in the lives of others will absolutely confuse most people. We may think we understand another person’s struggle until God reveals the similar attitudes, judgments, sins or shortcomings in our lives. There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit will reveal in each of us, but it can only be done when we choose to get alone with Jesus. We are wise to NOT be more concerned with what others are doing or saying. If we are filled with concern of our own physical appearance we often neglect the spiritual condition of our own unrepentant heart. Jesus cannot show us anything until we quiet all our grumbling, so we can hear what the Spirit is saying. Wisdom calls us to NOT cast stones, but to love others by offering our forgiveness. Those who have been forgiven much by God are the hearts that are moved by the Spirit to quickly forgive all others. The enemy of all souls (Satan) is out to kill, destroy and steal our faith in God, and our joy in the Lord. We know that He (the Holy Spirit) who dwells within us is stronger than the prince of the air outside of us. Remain plugged into the Source of all Light, Love, Truth and Protection. We cannot deny the fact that we have all been lied to by people we trust, and we have all been pierced by arrows of hate, rejection, or malicious gossip. God warns us that in the last days, many will be deceived! We are commanded to pray for our enemies, and it is wisdom that calls us to continue to obey our Creator, the One true God who spoke and created the entire universe. Our God is quick to forgive and adopt all of us into His everlasting great plan. New Beginnings

Jason Corey Newell

Stockton, California

Oct 12, 1971 – Apr 20, 2016 (Age 44)

Jason Newell will be remembered for his compassionate heart of gold. He attended Saint Mary’s High School and Lincoln High School in Stockton, California and played basketball and football. Jason loved his family and friends deeply. He was a gentle giant who lit up the room with his contagious smile and laughter. On his last day on earth he enjoyed a round of golf at Swenson Golf Course with his cousin David Bartlett and said “I’m so glad we are making memories together, memories we can remember” They shared a steak and lots of laughs. Jason died April 20, 2016 of a massive heart attack. He is survived by his mother Barbara Alley-Newell-Hoyle, sister Shelly Newell-Rivera, aunt Sue Newell-Green, uncle Ben Alley, aunt Mary Alley- Dinkel, cousin David Bartlett, step-dad Michael Hoyle, step grand-mother Marge Hoyle, and his only beloved daughter Marissa Giovannoni.

14 thoughts on “Good Grief

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  3. Barbara, I came across this blog when I googled my name. I’m sorry that you see me as being the enemy to you and my father, however, I’m appalled that you took my photo off the internet without my permission and you made these accusations since I have not had any contact with you since I was 8 years old. I don’t think my deceased father would appreciate you attacking me on the internet. I wish that my father and I could have been closer, but some of his past choices made it hard for us to have a healthy relationship. However, you have no idea who I am as a person today and the relationship and memories I did have and cherish with my father. I find it interesting that I have an extremely close relationship with my Aunti Shelli and the rest of my dads existing family, excluding you. I suggest when you quote and write things involving the Bible, that you make whole claims since that is the person you try to claim to be and leave me out of your blogs.

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    • Dear Marissa, I have never spoken ill of you, or my son. The enemy of us all is Satan, and I speak against his ways of separating families. We love and serve a God who is all about reconciliation. Our Father reconciled us to Himself through the blood of His Son Jesus. My several attempts to connect with you have failed. So I praise God that through this tribute to my son, you were inspired to write your true feelings. The TRUTH is that when your mother and dad chose to get a divorce, I was summoned to court to bring 3 character witnesses. Jason chose to not put me through all the emotions. It was Jason’s decision to bargain with Gina’s attorneys and agreed to a restraining order which demanded that Jason could never leave Marissa alone with her grandmother Barbara. The divorce and the restraining order grieved my son’s heart and my soul. For over 20 years I have prayed for Jason, Marissa and Gina that a reconciliation would be made possible. The inability for Jason to watch Marissa play soccer or visit his daughter crushed Jason’s spirit. I am glad that five years after Jason died, that you personally reached out as a result of this post. I gave Chris Curtis my email, phone and contact info as well as instructions that Marissa receive a Bible and the pictures of her dad that were made into a poster at his funeral. As a grown woman, at Jason’s funeral, you chose not to introduce yourself to me, for your own reasons. One of Jason’s friends asked me “Did you see Marissa?” I was so glad to hear that you were in attendance, but I would not have recognized you as the estrangement was long term and not by my choice. I am happy to hear that you have a relationship with Jesus and pray that in your heart you have at last forgiven me. Praying for your enemies is in the Bible, herein is the ENTIRE verse. Matthew 5:44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” YES, I was persecuted by Gina. Whatever your mother knew of me was very little as she did not invite relationship. Jason assured me several times “Mom, its okay, Gina hates everybody, it is not just you.” You were instructed to stay away from Barbara because I was dangerous? YES, I agree I do not know you because I was ordered by the court to stay away. I am sorry for all the years that I was forced to miss watching you grow up, and for the opportunities missed for you to get to know me by your personal experience — rather than hearsay. It does not matter what people say about me, because ONLY my Father in heaven can justify and sanctify me. It is a great comfort that Jesus intercedes on our behalf. Forgive me for my silence, it was in honor of your mother’s wishes. You do not know me, and I do not know you, but I do know that God hears our prayers. God bless you with His continuing love, mercy, grace and forgiveness. Matthew 6:15 “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Holding grudges or being unforgiving only damages the soul of the one unwilling to forgive. If you care to establish a real relationship, you can email me: – WE live in Mexico and we have served God our best. ALL ABOUT me is also found on this BLOG – under AUTHOR. “Nothing can separate us from the love of God.” The God I worship is BIGGER than anything that has ever happened to me, or you. I hope that reconciliation is possible, I have always loved you and I have always longed for a relationship with my only grand daughter. May God bless you with His peace that surpasses all human understanding.

      Through the blood of Jesus Christ I have immense power and authority over evil, demons and darkness. AMEN Today I give the devil a bad day —because by loving those who hate me, or spoke ill of me, without knowing me, I pray for. For all who contrived to keep me from seeing or knowing my only grandchild Marissa, “You are wonderfully and beautifully made! There is greatness inside of you! You are made in the image of God and He has such amazing plans for you! I am called to love my enemies and today I love Gina, Judy, Jill, Chris and Marissa — no matter what they may have ever thought, believed or said about me!” QUOTE REMOVED, PICTURE REMOVED January 12, 2022

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  4. God is Love, God is a Spirit, God is Holy, and God is all powerful to heal all brokenness by His grace. God is powerful and all knowing. “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

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  7. Lord, please help us abide in You that Your Love and Joy flow through us.  Let the very Love of God ignite our prayers, as we witness miracles. The oppressed are released, as millions are saved unto eternal Life.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen. Walking in the Spirit, praying in the Spirit, and trusting God’s faithfulness as we petition Him with our prayers, knowing Jesus intetcedes along with us as His Word says He does. Supernaturally our Lord transforms our quirky prayers into His divine will, for God’s glory. The ambition of our Father is to use His chosen to reach the lost. Even when we wobble with injury in our bodies, and suffer with badly twisted, dysfunctional family members, our prayers mix with those of Jesus and His will is done. Our Father knows we live in a broken world and therefore, like Peter we are subject to mood and faith swings. Think of Stephen being stoned. He felt the pain, yet he petioned the Lord to forgive them. In the crowd was Saul. Today we are blessed by Paul’s writings. HALLELUJAH

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  8. When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I’m not shouting, “I’ve been saved!”
    I’m whispering, “I get lost sometimes
    That’s why I chose His way”

    When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I don’t speak with human pride
    I’m confessing that I stumble –
    needing God to be my guide

    When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I’m not trying to be strong
    I’m professing that I’m weak
    and pray for strength to carry on

    When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I’m not bragging of success
    I’m admitting that I’ve failed
    and cannot ever pay the debt

    When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I don’t think I know it all
    I admit my confusion
    asking humbly to be taught

    When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I’m not claiming to be perfect
    My flaws are far too visible
    but God believes I’m worth it

    When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I still feel the sting of pain
    I have my share of heartache
    which is why I pray in Jesus name

    When I say, “I am a Christian”
    I need not judge for…
    one day Jesus will,
    Judge us all…
    with His full authority.

    Therefore fully surrender,
    As Jesus is Lord of all.

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  9. Listen to Corrie Ten Boom share her testimony on YouTube. Corrie lost all her family because of their faith. She ENDURED unimaginable suffering and she credits Christ for His strength in her weakness. God tells us we will be persecuted, hated and mocked. Through the ages Christians continue to be tortured, burned at the steak, beheaded and imprisoned. May our hearts be convicted to confess any resentment we hold against those who have unfairly treated us. We need to confess our anger and resentment. We need to forgive and pray for them. “Those without sin cast the first stone” We have all wronged others, and we are called to be quick to listen and slow to speak. We are to be like Jesus quick to forgive, and slow to anger. ‘Our Father, Who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts…” as we have forgiven all those who have wronged, maligned, abused or emotionally hurt us. Matthew 6:9

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