Good Grief


The past is behind us; we pause to remember and learn from it. The future is ahead of us; wisely we prepare for eternity. The present is here; and we choose to live it fully, or we perish without a dream or vision of glory! April 20, 2021 marks the 5 year anniversary of my son’s entrance into eternity. The normal roller coaster of emotions stopped when I chose to get on His Peace train. There is a time for grief, and good reason to pause for memories. It is my6232040_o healthy choice to rejoice in all the Lord has done! I choose to praise Him in all things because His ways and timing is perfect. Our Lord keeps our tears in a jar as He grieves with us. To mourn Jason’s shortened days, is to remember his life, and honor him. Remembering our loved ones is a holy, healthy thing to do. “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy” Psalm 126:5 — My hearts cry was heard and our loving Father returned to me a song of thanksgiving. I am assured that my son is forever in the holy presence of Jesus. However, the pain of never hugging my son on this earth, ever again…returns unexpectedly, months and even a year after his shockingly sudden death.  Extreme emotions yet emerge when I hear the lyrics of songs that we sang together. On this first anniversary of Jay’s reunion with our Father, it is in his honor that I lodge some great memories. Music was always a part of our jointly shared joys in this life.  Jason loved to groove to Motown tunes and he displayed his soul on the dance floor.  He made me laugh until I snarkled!  We took many country drives together, windows down with our 6232403_oplaylists loudly blasting.  He savored our sweet Mother’s day and Father’s day adventures on the road and I can hear him say to me “no worries Momma, it’s all good!” Father’s day 2013 was the best Jason ever had.  We rented a cabin at Tower Park in Lodi on the river and Jason was the Captain of the boat that day!  His dog Bella was our mascot and his aunt Sue and cousin David joined us for that glorious weekend. Jason underlined this scripture “My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.” Psalm 28:7 – On board a cruise ship in 2017 Nicole C Mullen sang “My Redeemer Lives” and my body trembled as my Lord gave me this scripture “He brought His people out with JOY, His chosen ones with singing.” Psalm 105:43 ESV – Jesus took Jason out of this world of trouble and heartache, and Jesus chose Jason  – who loved to worship at his church “Lifesong” in Stockton, California! When Jason was thirteen I took him to his first concert. It was to hear Kenny Loggins at the AG Spanos Center and the most recent was an outdoor performance, in the rain, with Katie and Diana in the Bay area.  Another

vivid memory includes busting a gut laughing while Snipe fishing at Lake Alpine shortly before Jay’s dad died.  My son never lost his child-like wonder or the absolute joy of welcoming a new job, or a new friend into his life’s shortened experience.  At Jay’s Jason 1979memorial,  several of his friends stood up to share memories and at the luncheon afterwards one tall man came to tell me that Jason was the glue, the guy who brought two rivalry schools together.  Tom Simmons shared that in the last few months of his life,  Jason’s thirst for the Word of God grew.  He shared Jason’s joy in reading the psalms each morning.   As his mother  I am comforted in knowing — with full assurance that Jason accepted “His way is right for me.”  There was a lifelong spiritual battle going on for Jason’s soul and I Praise God that in the end, our Lord got the victory and won! Grieving parents take heart in the truth.  Each hero listed was  given God’s strength in their weakness. “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful ones.” Psalm 116:15 – No matter how short or long of a time it takes, grief is important to share.  Raw and unfiltered feelings need to come out. If I pushed my feelings down, they would suffocate my soul and I would be subject to lengthy bouts of depression. Without my faith in Jesus I would be inconsolable. Because I believe God’s Jason 2011 on the DeltaWord and His promises,  I know I’m going to see Jason again.  He is way better off now, and more alive now than he ever was on earth and that is saying a lot. Jason will never be emotionally or physically hurt again.  I also know, with certainty that God’s plan is far superior than my desire to hug Jason here on earth.  Today my Lord gave me strength to write about grief, and He reminded me that it is holy to remember. Ecclesiastes describes all kinds of seasons and there is a time for tears, and a time for laughter.  “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  Proverbs 16:9 – Jason was at peace in his sweet soul before Jesus escorted him to the perfect room in one our Lord’s many mansions, Jay’s room will be undoubtedly filled with great music and perhaps a view of a lake and hopefully a fluffy dog. Imagining this gives me great comfort and I am deeply grateful to

Marissa 2018

Jason’s daughter Marissa 2018

God for giving me an imagination, the largest nation in the world!   Jason Corey Newell,  Yo Momma, Barbara Sue loves you and today I am loving the memories of our last date in Stockton for mother’s day August 2015 – It was 108 degrees, we had no air conditioning and you wore that wet rag around your neck, smiling, never complaining! You picked me up from the airport in Sacramento, we stayed at the Best Western in Galt and then we took a drive along the river and had lunch at Al Da Waps in the old town of Locke. You wanted to take me to Micke Grove Zoo, and it was so hot that even the animals hid in the shade and we laughed!  It was like God impressed upon you to make more memories with yo Momma. More Scriptures underlined by Jason in his bible: “Through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God. “Call those things that be NOT as though they were.” The Spirit of God, my best friend, I welcome You. All the Angelic host, I welcome you. According to Hebrews I welcome the crowd of beloved witnesses’ watching over me, I hereby welcome your love and delight. I look up and wave at my son, my mom, my dad, grandma Barbara and Jenkins, the prophets and all those who have gone home before me! My son has a house in heaven in which he now joyfully thrives. Jason is surrounded by animals including his beloved Cosmo! Knowing that Jay was present and loving on all during his homecoming service at Horizon church in Stockton. Jason saw his daughter Marissa and his huge collection of friends and family remembering him well. Revelation opens the scriptures. Heb 12:1 “I am surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses'” I believe that Jason sings me “happy birthday” while he anticipates my heavenly arrival. AMEN Barbara declares His kingdom come, Thy will be done here on earth today. AMEN I stepped into the power and AWE of GOD and His glory and my HOPE in HIM makes me bold enough to glow His love through the words I write and speak. Through the blood of Jesus Christ I have immense power and authority over evil, demons and darkness. AMEN Today I give the devil a bad day by loving my enemies! I tell Marissa and Gina and all the haters this truth “You are wonderfully and beautifully made! There is greatness inside of you! You are made in the image of God and He has such amazing plans for you! I am called to love my enemies and today I love you no matter what you have said about me!” I bless those that curse me, and I send God’s amazing grace towards those that intentionally do things to hurt me. My job is to love those who hate me while I trust God to complete His way in those that are living in darkness. The Holy Spirit shot me full of love for Jesus, my husband, my family and my community! AMEN


Mothers day 2014

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit,

Jason David Xmas 1987

Xmas 1987 in Napa, Calif with mom

whom He has given us.” Romans 5:2-5 — “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit. because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” Romans 8:26-28 — God poured Agape love into my son’s heart and Jason splashed that love all over those he was with.  Jay was certainly nudged by the Spirit to drive his mother to Grupe Park in Stockton”The mind of the sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6  “The journey from deep grief to living again is not a short trip.  At first you feel like you will be absorbed in grief and despair forever. And, like small children traveling with their parents, you ask “How much father till we get there.”  I can’t tell you how long your journey will be.  But this I do know, when you trust in God, the journey is much less weary.”  AMEN  I am at peace trusting that my nephew David is with Jason eternally in heaven. David was led to the Lord and given a Bible and like the thief on the cross, I believe Jesus showed mercy on his soul.

2012 mom day

Mothers day 2011 at Tower Park, Lodi, CA



Tower Park June 2013


August 15, 2015 Jason and I spent our last day together in Acampo, CA. We planned to be together in May 2016 for Mother’s day, but Jesus interrupted our plans with His better plan.  Jesus took Jason home on April 20, 2016. Living in Mexico with my pastor husband Michael. Many miss the way you lit up a room, and I miss the way we used to just laugh until we snorted. I was blessed by God the day you were born, and I was assured when you entered glory that I would be seeing you happier than ever! I love you! Yo momma!  

Worshipping the Lord with his whole heart, Jason raised both hands as his heart smiled and rejoiced at his church, LifeSong in Stockton, California. Jason, the song EVERY PRAISE gets me up and dancing the groove just like I imagine you doing in heaven! I love you, yo momma dong!

Jason Corey Newell

Stockton, California

Oct 12, 1971 – Apr 20, 2016 (Age 44)

Jason Newell will be remembered for his compassionate heart of gold. He attended Saint Mary’s High School and Lincoln High School in Stockton, California and played basketball and football. Jason loved his family and friends deeply. He was a gentle giant who lit up the room with his contagious smile and laughter. On his last day on earth he enjoyed a round of golf at Swenson Golf Course with his cousin David Bartlett and said “I’m so glad we are making memories together, memories we can remember” They shared a steak and lots of laughs. Jason died April 20, 2016 of a massive heart attack. He is survived by his mother Barbara Alley-Newell-Hoyle, sister Shelly Newell-Rivera, aunt Sue Newell-Green, uncle Ben Alley, aunt Mary Alley- Dinkel, cousin David Bartlett, step-dad Michael Hoyle, step grand-mother Marge Hoyle, and his only daughter Marissa Giovannoni.

2 thoughts on “Good Grief

  1. Pingback: Heritage Blessings | Living Abroad

  2. Pingback: An Upper War Room | Living Abroad

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