I WAS that shy girl who had low self-worth. I WAS the girl who felt like an outsider. I WAS the girl who was quiet, kind, envious, empty and depressed without knowing why. I WAS the girl who believed she had no chance of being accepted or loved.  I WAS the girl who compared herself to the popular girls at school, to the magazine models, and to those who came from loving families. I was lost without a firm identity, stuck in a life I did not appreciate. My dad was an atheist alcoholic who molested me, and when my immigrant mother found out, at the age of 7, I was sent to confess my sins to a priest. Rejected by my earth parents, my heavenly Father adopted me and He has lavished needed mercy upon me ever since. By His grace and many forgiven mistakes, I have learned to trust my Father at His word.

Willing Sin As I look back at every tragedy, I see His way as perfect. It took years of His gentle loving kindness to uproot, and replace my stubborn ways. Give God’s Word time to soak deep into all your life hurts. His grace is sufficient. His promises have all been fulfilled as we embrace the magnitude of what Jesus accomplished on the cross. Pray from the truest fact that He gave you His righteousness and the victory over every enemy plot. The devil had a plan to destroy me, but the blood covers me. His peace streams through every Word of the Bible. The TRUTH will set you free if you place all your gifted faith in Jesus.

I WAS the girl who felt like an imposter.   I WAS the lonesome girl hoping to be included.  I WAS the girl looking for love in all the wrong places.  Is it any wonder that I grew up to feel hopeless as a  lost, fumbling soul? As the rejected runt of a litter of three, I WAS certain that nobody would want to ever marry me.  I hid how I really felt and I did not use the faith, the talent or the voice God had given me.  I WAS the girl who felt miserably inadequate. Desperate, I sought the Truth with all my heart.  On June 19, 1985 during a local revival, feeling invisible in a crowd of a thousand, my body suddenly stood at attention. The preacher was on fire and without being conscious of what he was saying, my heart was quickened – quite involuntarily I stood up and started speaking in a foreign tongue?  I learned later that it was a heavenly language that shuddered through me.

God’s perfect covering and restoration through Jesus. That serpent in the garden tricked the first couple. But our God defeated the enemy. The Lord spoke to the first couple of humanity as they attempted to hide from their Creator. Our Lord God found them hiding in their shame and He made garments of skin and clothed them. God killed a lamb to wipe away their sin with the innocence of that lamb. For any sorrowful soul who thinks that they’ve gone too far, nothing is beyond the redeeming power of the blood. If we bend our knee to the Lordship of Jesus, His willing sacrifice was to cover us with His righteousness.  All those years the locusts have devoured, our God can and will restore —  if we will humbly ask Jesus Christ to be our Savior. Jesus reached down into the pit of my despair and He called me His daughter! I was adopted by the King, and my heavenly Father deposited the Holy Spirit into me.

In an instant, my secret to be wanted became realized as His Spirit entered me with His unmistakable Seal. Filled with new life “in Christ” the church elders led me to a swimming pool in which I was immersed, and legally baptized in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. I was  given my first Holy Bible and His Word lit up my soul.  Love Himself took up residence in me and the living Word of God remains my refuge. I was exposed to the glory, grace and Power of God. The girl who had felt the sting of rejection was lit up with a firey passion to know Jesus.  In the beginning, the truth of who I am in Christ needed constant care and watering. The Liar had convinced the old me I was so comfortable being, to actually question any kindness offered.  That girl’s soul had been barren of any compassion, mercy or love for many years. Truth is persistent!  Jesus grounded me and He led me to become a strong woman of faith by His endless compassion and lavish mercies. He answered all my incessant questions. The delicious baby food that God loves me,  was slowly replaced with a full banquet of the adult meal of God’s full counsel.

I was the empty vessel, and the Father filled me with the Holy Spirit just as He promised. My desire is to not offend the Father or grieve the Holy Spirit. We are in constant fellowship. There’s never a time that Holy Spirit is not with me. As He communicates with me through musical lyrics, in traffic, in nature, He is  advising me. I’m still learning how to develop an authentic relationship with the Holy Spirit. We mature in Christ by admitting we don’t know, and that we need His help. that you don’t know. Our spirit matures as we reduce the importance of self. We willingly empty ourselves from all our own understsnding, experiences, and our goals and the way we think about the Lord to become just like a dependent child. Lord, teach me.  Jesus at the wedding, performed His first miracle. The six empty water pots symbolizing humanity get filled.  Jesus had the earthly vessels that were empty filled with water which is symbolic of the Holy Spirit. Without fully knowing why,  the servants moved humbly, and obeyed. The water was miraculously changed into a fine, perfectly aged wine. Our life before Jesus is empty. If we are full of pride, of ego, of knowing everything, then the Holy Spirit can’t teach us a thing.   I’ve learned that being an empty vessel is what God needs in order that His will can be done. God can do the most with humility. A scary thing we recognize in the media, is that the church, and in our circles of influencers, the pride of an abundant life has spread faster than the Gospel. Let us choose to not grieve the Holy Spirit.

We were not created by God to blend in, but be set apart, for His glory. The world is dark and it does not change with lukewarm Christians who walk in pride rather than the Spirit.  God needs broken, empty vessels that are Spirit filled. God’s love letter tells us that we are wanted, we are His adopted children and we can be filled with the Holy Spirit’s imperishable power!  My true, unshakable identity is to rest “in Him”.  As my Father’s continuous love poured into my open heart, a burning hope filled the hole. Not by chance, but by His design, the Living Water flooded my being until — all the dirty lies washed overboard!  My thirst was great and the Truth bathed my parched soul.  An amazing comprehension of the breadth, length, height and depth of Truth grew within me. A supernatural transformation began as I embraced a portion of God’s immense capacity to love me, a once shattered kid of the King.  I understood that I was no longer that lonely  girl, but that  I was His girl!  “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith – and it is NOT from ourselves” Eph 2:8 — 

Whatever is done in His power, brings God glory. The battle was won and we fight from our position in Christ, whuch is Victory.  Because Jesus Has Already Won the Battle. Some people feel like there’s nothing they can do. So what does a Christian do? We resist the enemy and we enlist Holy Spirit in our prayers. We stay alert as we wear the full armor of God to stand toe to toe with our giants.  Because of He who dwells within, we are stronger than any foe. We do not back down and we remind ourself that we are fighting from victory. Jesus Christ has already won as He defeated sin, death, and Satan at the cross. That one thought changes our mindset.   Our Father rescued us because He loves us.  He has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of His dear Son who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. It is finished and we just need to embrace the truth.  Be AWE struck, hear the sound of certainty in His Word.  The  grace of God is a FREE GIFT! “But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” Eph 4:7  All our attempts to be perfect is futile. It is crystal clear that I could never be good enough, or terrible enough to stop His pursuit of me. His is the gift that keeps on pouring out all over me. Christianity is not a set of rules to follow. Pastor Derek Prince said “A religion of works fosters pride.”. Religion is too often made up of legalist enforcers who deny God’s grace. A parent or any organization that demands perfection does not allow a soul to dare be transparent about a struggle! We live, we fall and fail, and by His grace we rise again.

Our intimacy with God is not built in the public’s view. We surrender privately to He who dwells within, to pray in secret. To be like Jesus, we withdraw to be with our Father just as He did. He welcomes us with a refreshing loving kindness and a compassion that no other person can offer.  What did Jesus do with the woman who was caught in adultery?  “Ye without sin, cast the first stone” and all the critics, dropped their stones and walked away. Jesus gently lifted up her chin to face His face of grace and told her that He is not her accuser, but her Advocate. “Go and do your best, and by My grace, do not sin again.” 

Like an easy rolling tide, the Holy Spirit gently washed away my fear of being unworthy and hopelessly inadequate.  He took off my mask and revealed what God saw in me. WOW, the truth is that the King of kings adopted me as His! He removed my sin as far as the East is from the West and said “Come follow Me”.  How wide is His loving, compassionate forgiveness?  North will eventually meet the South, but the East and West will never meet – therefore the width of my Father’s love is endless.  The Scripture that I cling to: “He who abides in me is greater than he who speaks lies in the world.”

The length of His love is beyond eternity. I am His chosen girl, the one He persistently chased, the one who surrendered so that I may KNOW the love of Christ. As a woman of faith, I now pray in the powerful name of our Lord Jesus, that all readers ponder the Truth as the Holy Spirit works in each heart to increase the understanding of God’s love. That they receive and believe in the Truth as they seek Jesus with all their heart. “To all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” Without reservation I broadcast this Truth, that the Lord may feed a broad and thirsty audience.  His word says “that you being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and depth to know the love of Christ.” Eph 3:17-19. The opinions of mankind does NOT change the Truth of who God says you are. 

During my adult life, because of my rebellious spirit, and stupid choices, I experienced the dark side of life.  Through it all GOD was constantly there, wooing me back with His flow of unmatched, underserved mercy and grace.  While that girls earthly dad had given up on her,  my heavenly Father had His plan in place before I was even born!  “Oh God, where can I go from Your Spirit?  Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there;  when I make my bed. You are there. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your eyes saw my unformed body;  all the days ordained for me were written in Your book  before one of them came to be.” Psalms 139 (CJB)  We find the TRUTH only in God’s Word.  The Holy Bible is our heavenly Father’s love letter to us! 

Our Father’s plan to redeem us in a supernatural way has always been at work. Even in my rebellion, my Father’s hand was on me.  He has intervened to save my life many times. At age 22 during an emergency hysterectomy I flatlined on the table. In 2006 I had a brain aneurysm which doctors said should have killed me.  In my late twenties I was kidnapped and abused. In September of 2020 my husband and I both were hospitalized with COVID and today we both have drawn closer to God as a result of a series of hospitalizations and meducal miraculous. The power of the Holy Spirit has worked in us to increase our FAITH in God’s Word.

Jesus is either our Lord and Savior 100%, or not at all. He deserves all of our heart as He died in order to possess it. Jesus is not our Sunday Savior, He is the Great Physician, and by His will, and for His purpose and glory, He sits on the throne of  humble hearts that bow to the King, every hour, in good times or bad.  Storms come and storms go and we take our positions as His watchmen seriously.  We watch the news and rejoice as His return is imminent.  We anticipate being “taken up” to meet Jesus in the clouds very soon.  

We stop seeking a revival tent meeting, as we submit to He who dwells within our tent, in our soul. Our personal revival is within every breath the Lord gives us. Our surrendered life leads to holiness, more hunger for His presence and obedience out of a genuine desire to thank God. We seek to glorify our Father in all that we do.  “WAITING ON GOD is hard at first, but in His timing, He is able and He will finish what He started in each submitted soul.  Before we get married, or buy a new car, a house, or select our next move, it is imperative to ask God first: “Lord what is Thy will for me concerning the choices before me? What is my calling?”  My formal education ended in high school. However, by the grace of God, I am a duck swimming joyfully and easily when I write. God created you for a unique purpose!  Do what you love and do it unto the glory of God.  Be careful of what you allow to fill your mind and heart.  All glory to God.

Ephesians 1:7-14 “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, He made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.  In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory.

We were included in Christ when we heard the message of truth, the gospel of our salvation. When you believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of His glory.” AMEN