The Girl I Was

I WAS that shy girl who had low self-worth. I WAS the girl who envied those who had parents who took interest in their children.  I WAS the girl who believed she had no chance of being loved.  I WAS the girl who compared herself to the popular girls at school, to the magazine models, and to those who came from loving families. 

I WAS the girl who felt like an outsider.  I WAS the girl who felt like an imposter.  I WAS the girl who was quiet, kind, envious, shy and depressed without knowing why.   I WAS the lonesome girl hoping to be included.  I WAS the girl looking for love in all the wrong places.  Is it any wonder that I grew up to be a  scorned woman at the well? As a  rejected runt, I WAS certain nobody would want me.  I wore a mask way before the 2020 world wide pandemic.  I hid how I really felt and I did not use the faith and voice God had given me.  I WAS the girl who felt miserably inadequate, until  I sought Truth with all my heart.  On June 19, 1985 during a revival that a neighbor invited me to, suddenly, and quite involuntarily, I stood up and started speaking in a foreign language.  Jesus had deposited the Holy Spirit in me as He uprooted my false sense of self.  Like weeds all the lies that I had believed were uprooted. Filled with new life “in Christ” the church elders led me to a swimming pool in which I was immersed, baptized in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit and given my first Holy Bible. Love Himself took up residence in me and the living Word of God came alive to me.  Exposed to the glory, grace and Power of God, the girl who had felt unwanted and unlovable was filled with this Truth. “He who abides in me is greater than he who lives in the world.” The  Truth of who I am in Christ needed constant care and watering! Once upon a time the Liar convinced that girl to refuse any kind of genuine encouragement.  That girl’s soul was barren of compassion, mercy and Truth. LL_Default_Social_ImagePersistent as Truth is, He grounded me with a solid Word.  God’s personal love letter to me, the Bible began to uproot the lies and I adopted my true, unshakable identify “in Him”.  My Father’s continuous love filled my heart with hope “in Him”. Not by chance, but by His design, the Living Water flooded my being until all the dirty lies washed overboard!  My thirst was great and the Truth bathed my parched soul.  An amazing comprehension of the breadth, length, height and depth of God’s love grew within me. I began to experience supernatural transformation as I embraced a portion of God’s immense capacity to love a broken kid of the King like me.  I understood that I was not only That girl, but that I was His girl!  “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith – and it is NOT from ourselves” Eph 2:8 —  AWE struck, I came to KNOW that I could not earn grace, but that it was a FREE GIFT from my Father! “”But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” Eph 4:7  We cannot earn grace, Christianity is not a set of rules to follow. We cannot earn our salvation or God’s favor or grace. As Derek Prince teaches “A religion of works fosters pride. Complicated religions made up of legalistically keeping all the rules denies God’s grace. Christians who are proud of keeping all the rules are very seldom loving people. Consider how you were treated by a church that demands perfection? If you dared be transparent that you struggle with a temptation, how were you treated? With loving compassion, or were you corrected and given scriptures to memorize? What did Jesus do with the woman who was caught in adultery?  “Ye without sin, cast the first stone” and all the critics, dropped their stones and walked away. Then Jesus gently lifted her up and told the sinner that He does not accuse her, but go and sin no more.  The Holy Spirit gently took off my mask and showed me what God saw in me. WOW, the truth is that the Creator of all things, the King of kings adopted me as His! He removed my sin as far as the East is from the West.  How wide is that loving, compassionate forgiveness?  North will eventually meet the South, but the East and West will never meet – therefore the width of my Father’s love is endless.

The length of His love is to the uttermost, unto eternity, which has no end.  I am His chosen girl, the one He persistently chased, the one who surrendered so that I may KNOW the love of Christ.  I pray in the powerful name of our Lord Jesus, that all readers ponder the Truth as the Holy Spirit works in each heart to increase the understanding of God’s love. That they lay hold of the Truth and seek Thee more.  AMEN  “He was in the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him…but to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” Without reservation I choose to broadcast this Truth, that the Lord may feed a broad and hungry audience.  His word says “that you being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and depth to know the love of Christ.” Eph 3:17-19. What is true about a person does NOT change the Truth. True or Truth?

THE TESTIMONY I SHARED at a local orphanage in January 2020. WAITING ON GOD is hard when we are young: At age 16,17,18,19,20 we are often self-deceived that we are READY —- The most important thing in every life is “THE WILL OF GOD”.  Before we get married, buy a new car, house or select a college, it is imperative that we ask God first “Lord what is Thy will for me concerning the choices before me?”.  Marriage equates to a union of both man and wife….placing Christ first, mate second, kids third. Marriage was never intended to complete a person. It was designed by God for a man and a woman to enter into a covenant relationship with Christ at the center. That three person relationship forms something supernatural. Three are better than one or two. God designed marriage NOT to make any member a whole person, but to give the UNITY of THREE a whole new range of experience together. Marriage is NOT a hope that God will bless it. Do NOT marry because you FEEL lonely, or because HE/SHE makes you feel needed. Do NOT marry BECAUSE YOU FEEL lost without them. That actually erodes the possibility for a healthy oneness with Christ at the center. Do NOT marry for a “meal ticket,” or because you need someone to take care of you. Maturity takes time, wholeness requires tests of courage, faith and character to trust God in the waiting. Disaster is when people create dependency on each other. Do not marry to get daddied or mothered. We have a heavenly Father who helps us grow “in Him” and He prepares us for the mate that will be equally yoked. Be eternally stoked to “walk in Christ” with your mate for God’s glory. The crucial question to ask before considering marriage is “Am I completed by Christ yet?” if the answer is YES for both people, then when they UNITE in MARRIAGE with Christ in a covenant relationship, the blessing and anointing of God will be on that couple. Both people must be complete in Christ and a mature adult – before marriage. As a divorced mother for 38 years, my Father prepared me as I waited to be equally yoked with Michael. We got married for in 2012 and more maturing was planned for both of us.  LIFE was HARD as a single woman, and LIFE has been HARD as a married woman.85008421_1094248707580344_4146021927573520384_n During my adult life, because of my rebellious spirit, and stupid choices, I experienced the dark side of life.  Through it all GOD was constantly there, wooing me back with His flow of unmatched, underserved mercy and grace.  While that girls earthly dad had given up on her,  my heavenly Father had His plan in place before I was even born!  “Oh God, where can I go from Your Spirit?  Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there;  when I make my bed. You are there. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your eyes saw my unformed body;  all the days ordained for me were written in Your book  before one of them came to be.” Psalms 139 (CJB)  We find the TRUTH only in God’s Word.  The Holy Bible is our heavenly Father’s love letter to us! God sent His only Son, Jesus to die on a cross, to cover our sins, so that we could eternally with the Perfect Papa. Marvelous!

Our Father always had a plan in place to redeem us in a supernatural way. As a COVID COUPLE living in victory in Mexico, Here is our testimony!

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The active living Word of God reads us as we read the Bible. We proclaim our faith in God, whenever we give our short TESTIMONY. By His will, and for His purpose and glory on Sept 22, 2020 we entered a private hospital with COVID for a 10 day treatment. The doctor reported to us that we were COVID free in 48 hours. HALLELUJAH, ALL GLORY TO OUR FATHER! There were 50 other COVID cases in hospital at the same time. Many on respirators with the same medical treatment protocol. We gave ALL credit to God for our miraculous testimony of rapid healing ♥ It is about what the Holy Spirit did in us, it is not about the steroids, or the doctors. The Word came alive and tears rolled down, which our heavenly Father intended and used to increase our FAITH in our God. He was in control and we trusted Him completely for our healing. “Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them” John 14:23 🎀 We read the Word of God in the hospital and blessed all who were on staff.

Our COVID VICTORY story to pass along.  😲 We spent 3 nights in “Real San Juan Hospital” in Guad after being told we would be there for 10 days. 😲 SYMPTOMS FOR US: Felt like allergies, low energy, slight cough, back ache, headache. NEVER A FEVER!!! We practiced safety ✔ Not sure how or where we got COVID. We stayed home from church Sept 13 and Sunday Sept 20 with a cough. We thought we had allergies for 5 days. On 9/19 Mike got a Negative COVID test at a local clinic in Chapala.  AGAIN NEVER a fever, just sleepy, slight cough, shaky, weak zero hunger and extremely LOW BLOOD PRESSURE. 😲  On Sunday Sept 20th DR. Rabadan came to our casa and determined Mike had pneumonia and gave him penicillin.  ✔ After a NEGATIVE COVID TEST the day before we were relieved !!! TRUTH: it was a False Negative test.  Monday 9/21 Mike was lethargic but hopeful but he was short of breath.  On the same night Mike went via Red Cross to local Hospital at 8PM on 9/21. The local Hospital did a deep nasal swab and called me at home report husband has covid. We were both shocked. Barb did not Red Cross with Mike because my symptoms were cough, sciatica pain, a migraine and I was totally drained physically.  At 10:00 pm on  9/21 Barb was breathless and hurting and UBERED to same local hospital. Mike was in terrible shape. We waited for Ambulance because local hospital is NOT equipped to treat COVID. We arrived in Guadalajara and were admitted to a private hospital at 3:00 AM 9/22/20. At Real San Jose Hospital Mike and Barb were both tested with nose swab, and an MRI of our lungs. Both of us had COVID and Pneumonia. Treatment began at midnight Tues 9/22 as Barb had to return home to secure funds. Genetically Barb has weak heart. COVID attacks where a person is weak. Mike’s lungs weak from childhood pneumonia. But where we are weak, God is strong and we placed our total trust in Jesus. All public hospitals in Guad had no beds available. On Friday 9/25/20 our pulmonary specialist reported that our blood panels were COVID clear. We trusted God for His will to be done and we praise our great Physician for our testimony.  Our Father provided all we needed as we had to pay hospital upfront (zero insurance in Mex) for an anticipated 10 day stay for both of us. THE MIRACLE? We were COVID clear in 48 hours, praise be to God.  On Sat 9/26/20 Mike went home. Barb was picked up by Ruben, a neighbor on Sun 9/27/20. Thanks to ALL who prayed us through, we are a living testimony of God’s love for us. 😎 As we lay in ER we were both prepared to step into glory, or accept whatever His will was for us. By His the power of His blood,  God crushed the enemies attempt to destroy us. 😍 We praise our Father for His plans and we are standing strong in His holy, pleasing, Mighty Presence. His Servants, Michael and Barbara Hoyle

A REVERENT FEAR OF THE LORD IS WISDOM 📌 Psalm 147:10–11 Our Father’s pleasure is NOT in the strength of the horse, nor His delight in the legs of a man; the LORD delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love.” 🎀 Human strength and human cleverness does not impress God. We may feel ourselves so strong, so capable, but something can happen in just an instant that can rob us of all that strength and capability. You can feel so strong and so active but in 2020 the strongest person could be infected by COVID and be altogether incapable of breathing without a ventilator. God is not impressed by our self sufficiency, or our human strength or ingenuity. Our heavenly Father loves those who fear Him and those who put their hope in His unfailing love. God reaches out to those who believe in His Way maker, Jesus Christ. Our Father responds to our faith in Him. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for relying on their own understanding of the Scriptures. We must seek God with all our heart, mind and strength as we rely on His Word and trust Him as we wait upon His perfect timing. It is wise to put all our faith and trust in the unfailing mercy of our loving Creator, our Father who art in heaven. Blessed be the name of Jesus, and His promised and delivered Holy Spirit. 📌 Placing our hope in Him is to believe that He will never fail us. Ask “what is the Spirit saying…what is my lesson…how can I bring glory to God through this situation. AMEN  If you are in the pit, He will rescue all those who invite Him. Our Father will not push Himself onto anybody, we must ask Him to adopt us as His Kingdom kid. We must be HONEST with God and just tell Him what He already knows, what He has already witnessed us doing. Living a lie and pridefully covering up our sin will only lead to a life of pain and sorrow…..ETERNALLY! Who is that?

15 thoughts on “The Girl I Was

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  3. The Fear of God teaching by Derek Prince. ” A most overlooked theme of Scripture is the fear of the Lord. Psalm 19:9 teaches us that a ✔ healthy fear of the Lord purifies us for eternity. WHAT the fear if the Lord is NOT. ✔ Proverbs 23:17 ✔ do not let your heart envy sinners, but continue to fear God. ✔ Natural fear of pain is normal. In 2 Timothy we learn that excessive fear is not natural ✔ it is a demonic fear. God did not give us a spirit of fear. ✔ A religious fear that makes people act, they pretend to worship God. ✔The fear of man. Many fear what man might think. The FEAR of GOD IS 🎀 When we choose to Respect God and His Word, Power and Majesty. Worship in Spirit in absolute Submission as a Submissive servant 🎀 We rejoice with genuine trembling in His holy Presence ! Humble FEAR OF THE LORD 🎀 In Proverbs 22 God promises its many benefits. What motivates us to always please the Lord? Isaiah 11:1-2 ” There shall come a Rod, a Branch (Jesus) In the book of Revelation the Spirit of the Lord spoke to the church in the 1st person as God. The 7 aspects of the Holy Spirit: First # 1 Spirit of Wisdom #2 Understanding. #3 The Spirit of Counsel and the Spirit of #4 Might. The Spirit of #5 Knowledge. The Spirit of #6 Fear of the Lord. What did I miss. We must choose the Fear of the Lord. Psalm 34:11-12 ” Come children I (the Holy Spirit) will teach you the fear of the Lord.” Condition Proverbs 3:7 “Do not be wise in your eyes” We must choose to the fear of the Lord, be a willing student of the Holy Spirit. Job 28:28 “Behold the fear of the Lord is wisdom.” The Lord chooses His students by their humble character. Psalm 34 “The Lord confides His secrets with those who fear Him.”

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