The Girl I Was

I WAS that shy girl who had low self-worth. I WAS the girl who envied those who had parents who took interest in their children.  I WAS the girl who believed she had no chance of being loved.  I WAS the girl who compared herself to the popular girls at school, to the magazine models, and to those who came from loving families. 

I WAS the girl who felt like an outsider.  I WAS the girl who felt like an imposter.  I WAS the girl who was quiet, kind, envious, shy and depressed without knowing why.   I WAS the lonesome girl hoping to be included.  I WAS the girl looking for love in all the wrong places.  Is it any wonder that I grew up to be a  scorned woman at the well? As a  rejected runt, I WAS certain nobody would want me.  I wore a mask way before the 2020 world wide pandemic.  I hid how I really felt and I did not use the faith and voice God had given me.  I WAS the girl who felt miserably inadequate. Desperate, I sought Truth with all my heart.  On June 19, 1985 during a local revival, feeling invisible in a crowd of a thousand, my body stood at attention. The preacher was on fire and without being conscious of what he was saying, I raised up quite involuntarily and started speaking in a foreign language.  Jesus had deposited the Holy Spirit in me. Suddenly my secret to be wanted became realized as His hand touched me with His unmistakable Seal. Filled with new life “in Christ” the church elders led me to a swimming pool in which I was immersed, and legally baptized in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. I was  given my first Holy Bible and His Word lit up my soul.  ❤️ Love Himself took up residence in me and the living Word of God remains my refuge.  Exposed to the glory, grace and Power of God, the girl who had felt the sting of rejection became His chosen.   The  Truth of who I am in Christ needed constant care and watering because the Liar convinced that girl to question any kindness.  That girl’s soul was barren of compassion, mercy and Truth. LL_Default_Social_ImagePersistent as Truth is, He grounded me with a solid Word.  The holy Scriptures began to pinpoint lies lodged deep within me. God’s love letter said I was wanted, adopted and filled with the imperishable!  My true, unshakable identity was to rest “in Him”.  As my Father’s continuous love poured into my heart, a burning hope filled the hole. Not by chance, but by His design, the Living Water flooded my being until all the dirty lies washed overboard!  My thirst was great and the Truth bathed my parched soul.  An amazing comprehension of the breadth, length, height and depth of Truth grew within me. A supernatural transformation began as I embraced a portion of God’s immense capacity to love a broken kid of the King.  I understood that I was not only that girl, but that now and forever, I was His girl!  “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith – and it is NOT from ourselves” Eph 2:8 —  AWE struck, I came to KNOW that I could not earn grace, but that it was a FREE GIFT from my Father! “But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” Eph 4:7  Alas, it was clear that I could never be good enough, or terrible enough to stop His pursuit of me. Such grace cannot be earned, indeed it was a gift.  Christianity is not a set of rules to follow. Derek Prince said “A religion of works fosters pride.”. Religion is too often made up of legalist enforcers who deny God’s grace. Consider how you were treated by a parent or any organization that demanded perfection? If you dared be transparent about a struggle, were you treated with mercy and encouragement?  With loving kindness and compassion?  What did Jesus do with the woman who was caught in adultery?  “Ye without sin, cast the first stone” and all the critics, dropped their stones and walked away. Jesus gently lifted her up and told her that He is not her accuser, but her Advocate. “Go and do your best, and by My grace, do not sin again.”  baf4ad88b3973b2c

Like an easy rolling tide, the Holy Spirit gently washed away my fear of being unworthy and hopelessly inadequate.  He took off my mask and revealed what God saw in me. WOW, the truth is that the King of kings adopted me as His! He removed my sin as far as the East is from the West and said “Come follow Me”.  How wide is His loving, compassionate forgiveness?  North will eventually meet the South, but the East and West will never meet – therefore the width of my Father’s love is endless. ❤️ My life verse: “He who abides in me is greater than he who lives in the world.”

The length of His love is to the uttermost, unto eternity, which has no end.  I am His chosen girl, the one He persistently chased, the one who surrendered so that I may KNOW the love of Christ. As a woman of faith, I now pray in the powerful name of our Lord Jesus, that all readers ponder the Truth as the Holy Spirit works in each heart to increase the understanding of God’s love. That they receive and believe in the Truth as they seek Jesus with all their heart. AMEN ❤️  “to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” Without reservation I broadcast this Truth, that the Lord may feed a broad and thirsty audience.  His word says “that you being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and depth to know the love of Christ.” Eph 3:17-19. What is true about a person does NOT change the Truth of who God is. True or Truth?

During my adult life, because of my rebellious spirit, and stupid choices, I experienced the dark side of life.  Through it all GOD was constantly there, wooing me back with His flow of unmatched, underserved mercy and grace.  While that girls earthly dad had given up on her,  my heavenly Father had His plan in place before I was even born!  “Oh God, where can I go from Your Spirit?  Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there;  when I make my bed. You are there. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your eyes saw my unformed body;  all the days ordained for me were written in Your book  before one of them came to be.” Psalms 139 (CJB)  We find the TRUTH only in God’s Word.  The Holy Bible is our heavenly Father’s love letter to us! 

Our Father always had a plan in place to redeem us in a supernatural way. In September of 2020 my husband and I both were hospitalized with COVID. Today we are walking and talking miracles! 

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While in the hospital we took advantage of the opportunity that God provided and shared our faith with nurses and doctors. We believed as we prayed that the Great Physician Jesus was healing us. By His will, and for His purpose and glory we got Covid and were fully restored by God. The doctor reported to us that we were COVID free in 48 hours. HALLELUJAH, ALL GLORY TO OUR FATHER! 363d63e63d7a6b6e

Storms come and storms go and we take our positions as watchmen, looking up as we anticipate being “taken up” to meet Jesus in the clouds. Life is about what the Holy Spirit did in us, and through us as we welcome His Presence.  As we lay in ER, my husband and I were prepared to step into glory, or accept whatever His will was for us. Hallelujah ❤️

Barb was led to include this wisdom on February 20, 2020 at a local orphanage.  “WAITING ON GOD is hard when we are young: At age 16,17,18,19,20 we are often self-deceived that we are READY —- The most important thing in every life is the will of God.  Before a youth gets married, or buys a new car, house or selects a college, it is imperative that one asks God first: “Lord what is Thy will for me concerning the choices before me?”.  Marriage equates to a union of both man and wife….placing Christ first, mate second, kids third. Marriage was never intended to complete a person. It was designed by God for a man and a woman to enter into a covenant relationship with Christ at the center. That three person relationship forms something supernatural. Three are better than one or two.

God designed marriage NOT to make any member a whole person, but to give the UNITY of THREE a whole new range of experience together. Marriage is NOT a hope that God will bless it. Do NOT marry because you FEEL lonely, or because HE/SHE makes you feel needed. Do NOT marry BECAUSE YOU FEEL lost without them. That actually erodes the possibility for a healthy oneness with Christ at the center. Do NOT marry for a “meal ticket,” or because you need someone to take care of you. Maturity takes time, wholeness requires tests of courage, faith and character to trust God in the waiting.20200305_185550

Disaster is when people create dependency on each other. Do not marry to get daddied or mothered. We have a heavenly Father who helps us grow “in Him” and He prepares us for the mate that will be equally yoked. Be eternally stoked to “walk in Christ” with your mate for God’s glory. The crucial question to ask before considering marriage is “Am I completed by Christ yet?” if the answer is YES for both people, then when they UNITE in MARRIAGE with Christ in a covenant relationship, the blessing and anointing of God will be on that couple. Both people must be complete in Christ and a mature adult – before marriage.20200305_185525

As a divorced mother for 38 years, my Father prepared me as I waited to be equally yoked with Michael. We got married in 2012 and more maturing was planned for both of us.  LIFE was HARD as a single woman, and LIFE will continue to have challenges as we wait for our Lord to return.” My testimony of child abuse, rejection by my parents, a kidnapping, a rape, homelessness, unemployment – all shared with these young girls who will at some point need to depart from the orphanage and trust in their heavenly Father for protection and provision. 20200208_153040

Ephesians 1:7-14 “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, He made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.  In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory. 20210405_144624

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of His glory.” AMEN

17 thoughts on “The Girl I Was

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  3. 🎀 “Dearest Barbara, so much talent and wisdom in one little lady! I hope you know how profound you are. Women need wiser women to grow, God knew I needed you!! And He provided. And I’m so thankful for you. You’ve been mentoring me from miles away! You’ve made a greater impact more than you will ever know, and continue to do so. I can’t wait for the day when I get to give you a hug!! 🤗❤️ I have so much love and appreciation for you!! 🙏❤️🌹” A friend that God introduced while on GAB. We have shared emails to encourage one another. Lord Jesus bless this spiritually hungry daughter of the King. Amen

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  4. ❤️ “U r 1 in a million Barb. I thank GOD that HE brought u into my life. I am truly and deeply honored. Your testimony is fireworks in a dead World.” Patricia Carey, a radiant servant of Jesus Christ, a missionary in Mexico, my sister-in-Christ. ❤️


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